Matthew 18:15-20

¹⁵ “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. ¹⁶ But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ ¹⁷ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

¹⁸ “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be^[d] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be^[e] loosed in heaven.

¹⁹ “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. ²⁰ For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Let us pray,

May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of all of our hearts, be pleasing and acceptable to you, our rock and our redeemer…

Our text for this morning comes from the gospel of Matthew. From now until Advent, our texts will mainly come from Jesus’ teaching on discipleship. These texts invite us to examine how we can follow Jesus in our daily lives.

This morning’s text reflects on the role of community in the life of discipleship. Jesus defines community as when two or more are gathered in his name. Community is the place where we live out our Christian discipleship. We know that we cannot follow Jesus on our own. Community is the setting in which God promises to move among us.

But anytime two or more are gathered so too does conflict. Conflict occurs when two or more people disagree over the practices that shape common life. Or the ways the community organizes itself. Because church community is so important to the life of faith, conflict must be addressed. So divisive sisters and brothers don’t tear God’s people apart.

In today’s reading, Jesus instructs his disciples how they are to confront brothers and sisters who are creating conflict in the church. If their behavior directly affects you, you are to confront them. You are to explain to them why their behavior is problematic. The goal of this confrontation is to heal the broken relationship between the two of you. So that the two of you can continue to exist in the same community. It’s not to shame the other person into conformity. Or to manipulate the other person into leaving the community. It is to stop the bad behavior so that the community can move forward.

Hopefully the conflict will end with this confrontation. But it may not. If the confrontation does not yield changed behavior, then it is appropriate to involve other members of the community in the disagreement. Again, the goal of this confrontation is to affirm that the challenging sister or brother is a beloved member of your community. But that several people believe their behavior is prohibiting the community from moving forward.

If these conversations do not yield repentance and changed behavior, it is now time to get the church leadership involved. Church leadership exists to create the space and conditions for forgiveness and restoration to flourish. That only happens when the leadership holds members accountable for violating shared community standards. It is only after exhausting every possibility for reconciliation is church leadership permitted to ‘treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.’

I want to share with you an example of what this can look like.

This past month we have seen an influx of new members to my gym. August 2020 was a hot and humid month. Many new members are unused to how much they’re going to sweat while working out during the dog days of summer. One of our new members, we’ll call her Jessica, was coming to work out without putting deodorant on beforehand. The smell of her body odor got so bad that no one wanted to work out within 20 feet of her.

After class one day, one of my gym buddies went up to her and said, ‘great job in today’s workout! Hey, I noticed you’ve been sweating a lot during the workouts. You may need to put more deodorant on than you usually do so you feel more comfortable during these hot summer months.’

To which Jessica said, ‘Oh I don’t wear deodorant. I hear it can cause breast cancer, and my Aunt died of it, so I don’t want to take that chance.’

My buddy didn’t know what to say to that. So he asked our coach what he should do. After class one day Coach gathered us all together and said:

Guys I know it’s really hot out right now, but we all need to pay attention to our personal hygiene if we’re going to continue to work out together indoors. If you’re a really sweaty person, you need to take a shower before you come in. If you can’t do that, come talk to me. My wife uses all-natural deodorant during the summer, and it’s saved our marriage.  

I’m not sure if Jessica talked to our coach or not. But I do know that after that conversation, we no longer had to worry about body odor in the gym.

I share this story because I think it’s a good example of conflict handled well. An athlete’s body odor affects all other athlete’s trying to work out that day. It would have been really easy to talk about the athlete behind her back instead of confronting her directly. Not only does that solve nothing. It takes a minor and solvable problem (body odor) and turns it into a personal attack (people at the gym are gossipy and mean and they don’t like me!) Trust me when I say that personal attacks are MUCH harder to resolve than behavioral problems.

The other thing I appreciate about this example is it shows how to confront someone on an individual and corporate level. No one knew that Jessica wasn’t wearing deodorant because she was worried about developing breast cancer. Once coach knew that, he could present a solution to the problem that took into consideration her health concerns. But pulling all of us aside after class coach reinforced that we’re all responsible for one another- a key part of any community. When we all see how our actions affect others, we are more likely to change our behaviors.

I have a confession to make. I really do not enjoy confronting people. I particularly do not enjoy confronting people for the various ways their sins invite destruction to themselves, their families, and their communities. Who am I that I should be telling other people how to live their lives? But every time Matthew 18 makes its way into the lectionary, I’m reminded that love requires that we address the inevitable conflicts that will arise among us. When we confront people, we say that we love them so much we cannot allow their destructive behavior to continue.

Matthew 18 also reminds me that being a member of a church community comes with mutual responsibility for one another. The call to hear one another, to listen closely to the truth of the other, these are vital components to a community grounded in the ways of Jesus. Community is easy when we’re all getting along. Community is a witness to God at work in the world when we commit to doing life together despite our differences.

My challenge for us this week is to think about what difficult conversations we’ve been putting off, and to figure out how to have them. Think about a problem that directly affects you. And think of how you’re going to address it.

When I have to have difficult conversations, I like to write down beforehand: what is the issue? What is my role in the issue? And what needs to change to move this relationship forward? Answering these questions beforehand helps me enter difficult conversations without anxiety. Since I already know what I need to say, I can listen more closely to what the other person is saying in response.

Friends the point of Matthew 18 is not to create a three-step guide for how to deal with church conflict. The point is to remind us that as disciples of Jesus we are to work for the reconciliation of those who are displaced, lost, or in need of forgiveness. We address the inevitable conflicts that arise so that we can be agents of Christ’s reconciling love in the world.

Thanks be to God,

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.